Stay at Home Mom

Remember toward the end of high school how everyone asked each other where they were going to attend college or university and what they planned to do as adults? My answer was that I was going to be a Mom and I didn't need to go to school to learn how. Friends laughed at my answer but I was very serious. My goal in life was to marry and have a family and to be a stay at home Mom. After some ups and downs I married my high school sweetheart. We've been together for twenty eight years and married for almost twenty three.

I always thought as a stay at home Mom I was doing right by my kids in raising them myself. I used to look at working Moms and think that if their kids didn't turn out right it was their own fault because they gave the job to someone else. My kids were going to be great because I was there. I saw them sit up for the first time, take their first steps, cut their first teeth, heard their first words, and got them to the bus for school each day. They always knew I would be there for them when they needed me.

Little did I know that things are never perfect in the real world. I had every intention of being the perfect Mom. Everything was going to be done right. My children were to be breastfed which we know is the best but I also wanted that bond between Mother and Child that comes along with it. With me staying home formula was a luxury anyway. I had a notion (possibly aided by my old school Mom) that cloth diapers were also a must. Paper diapers were not something I would want to wear myself so why would I put my babies in them?

So along comes baby number one. He was not planned as we had moved in with my in-laws to save to buy a house. We had a room in the basement with very little privacy. Our first weekend away and a private moment in the boathouse shower (yes the boathouse shower which has become family legend) and we were pregnant. Surprise! After being given gel to soften my cervix, having my water broken, taking pitocin tablets for 12 hours (which made me throw up) and then being put on an IV drip to induce labor, my son finally came into the world at 7am weighing 8lbs 3oz. This was after 24 hours of trying everything but dynamite and then needing use of forceps to pull him out! At one point I was told I might need a c-section which did not fit into my perfect picture of childbirth. Thinking back to the 28 or so stitches that were needed, a c-section might have been the right choice.  Breastfeeding lasted approximately six weeks before my son turned on me. It seemed as though my breasts were monsters coming at him. This was not the bonding experience I had hoped for! Cloth diapers also did not last long as we shared a washroom and laundry room making paper much more convenient. It was okay, I would try again with the next one.

Baby number two came three and a half years later. She was planned as we had our home purchased and knew it was time to add to our family. Almost from day one I had a feeling she would be a girl which was how I wanted the order of my family to go. She was also induced but this time it went much differently. It was only six hours from the time they started to induce (with tablets in my cervix) to the time the doctor came in to break my water so she wasn't born in the amniotic sac. We actually had to wait because the doctor left thinking I would not be ready until the next morning. I think it was faster due to the lack of drugs as I had a small amount of gas and a couple of shots of nubane. She arrived at 1:40am weighing 8lbs. She was destined to be the middle child from birth. She actually breastfed for three months before turning on me. Feeding her was interesting. It was not the bond I was looking for as I was not allowed to look at her or talk while feeding her. She was very cranky and didn't seem to like to be cuddled. There were days when I put her in her crib for her nap and sat on the front porch crying. My son once asked his Nana what would happen if his Mom threw his sister out the window. Cloth diapers were out pretty soon with this one too. Anyone who breastfeeds knows how messy bowel movements are. It was okay, things would get better. As we planned to have four, I figured I still would have a chance to do things 'right'.

Funny thing, we didn't have our third baby for five years after number two. We had just purchased our second home when we found out we were pregnant again. This would not have been when we would have planned to have another. We were moving into our new house in the middle of March and due around Mother's Day. Moving is not a fun thing when you are pregnant. We actually were between houses for six weeks due to construction delays and had to move to my parents house which meant moving twice! So the day after Mother's Day I woke up with a feeling I had never experienced. A little bit crampy and thought I had peed my pants. I had a doctors appointment that afternoon which I went to before being admitted to the hospital. Shortly after having some bloodwork done my water broke. Things moved quickly from there. I think this was also due to no drip or IV drugs. I opted for a little gas which I gave up as I felt as though I was not going to be with it when baby arrived. It was actually quite an amazing feeling as her body moved down through the birth canal. It was very painful but I'm glad I had the experience. So at 7:11pm baby number three made her appearance weighing 8lbs 14oz. She had big shoulders and I needed a small incision as they got stuck. Luckily we had a wonderful nurse who allowed big brother and sister to come up for a quick visit even though visiting hours were over. She even put off her dinner break to stay for the birth instead of letting someone else come in. Leaving the hospital with my parents my son turned to my Mom and said "Nana I think I must have bad luck because I really wanted a brother the first time and I got a sister and I really wanted a brother this time and I got another sister." My Mom replied "At least your new sister is healthy what if she had been born with just one arm or leg?" She laughed at his reply which was "It would have been okay if it was a brother!" Children say the funniest things. So baby number three only lasted eight weeks breastfeeding before freaking out like the other two and she wore disposable diapers from day one. We never tried for baby number four.

So what did I learn from these experiences? Well for one I apparently don't have a long shelf life on my breastmilk. Either that or my breasts morph into monsters around six weeks or so after giving birth (although my husband never mentioned it). Secondly, life is not perfect and things don't always go as planned and that's okay. Would I do anything different? Absolutely not. Sometimes I think that I am to blame for things which did not turn out the way that I expected them to. This is kind of the opposite of the working Mom who can blame someone else (my new way of viewing the situation). In the end I would not trade my choices or the experiences that came from them for anything in the world. Stay tuned as life continues.