Sunday, March 25, 2012

Milestone Year

April 5th marks my son's 21st birthday. I'm not sure where the years have gone. It seems like just yesterday that the stork dropped him off on our doorstep! I've watched him grow from a baby to a toddler, learning to sit, to crawl to walk, and talk (at two he could recite his alphabet backwards which was quite a feat). I held his little hand as I walked him to the bus to see him off on his first day of school (the whole time trying not to let him see me cry as the bus pulled up at the curb). A few weeks later it was hard not to cry when he asked me not to hold his hand because he was too big for that. I watched him mature into a teenager, a great student, a mentor to others and a very good quarterback (starting qb for five years on the senior team at high school). He was always (and still is) very responsible and wise beyond his years. I saw him through a few girlfriends (he realizes now that every relationship as a teen will not be a lifelong commitment) and I saw him go through the heartache of losing a best friend in a tragic hockey accident. The latter is something that no young person should ever have to go through (nor should any parent have to go through losing a child). It has been a difficult few years dealing with the grief and disbelief of such a loss. I am glad that he had the opportunity of this friendship as he still strives to live up to the high standards that his friend expected of him. His friend was a few years older and would have turned 21 the year that he died. Something has changed in our relationship since then. My son is a little more guarded in what he confides in me and how much of his feelings he shares. Maybe it's just part of growing up but I really miss the long talks that we used to have and him coming to me for advice. We were so close and he used to tell me everything. Now he is about to become an adult. My son will be a man (from a guy's standpoint he's been a man for a while but legally he's about to become one).

This coming fall he plans to transfer Universities which means he will move away from home (I'm going to miss him dearly). He's been working really hard this year to get his life back on track (he spent a year in a complete tailspin reeling from his friend's death and the next year trying to catch back up). His marks are back up to his over achieving standards and he will be back to playing football. Boy I have missed seeing him play football!! I can't wait to go to the first game and see him take that first snap again. You see for 10 years we lived, slept and ate football at our house so the hiatus that he took to deal with the blow life had thrown him was very difficult. It was like he had taken a big part of our life away too. The upcoming year should be exciting!

So begins a new chapter in our lives. It's actually going to be a milestone year for all three of my children. My eldest daughter will turn 18 in the summer and my youngest daughter will turn 13. The years are just flying by. I wish I could slow down time but we all know that is not an option. Cherish every moment you have with your children because before you know it they will be grown up, married and having children of their own. Wait, I don't want to think that far ahead! I think I will try to take it one day at a time. I'm nowhere near ready for Grandparenting!!!!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Back to Work

So the March break is over. The kids will be back to school on Monday morning likely with some coaxing and maybe a bit of force. This also ends my week of staycation. I had high hopes of getting many household chores done but with the weather being so nice I found myself enjoying the fresh air and just being away from work. I think I might also need some coaxing Monday morning! You see, there are days when I pull into the parking lot and want to turn around and go home (I actually did one day). At work we joke about this as I am not the only one who feels this way but it's not really a joke at all. I wish I didn't have to feel this way.

I only work three days a week (Monday to Wednesday), ten and a half hours each day but for me this is more than enough. My four days off each week are as follows: Thursday wind down and destress, Friday try to get some chores done and Scentsy, Saturday is for visiting and Scentsy, and Sunday is my day to stress over having to go to work on Monday. For those of you who have worked in a call centre you will understand why I say this. For those of you who have not...don't. Okay so some people may like call centre life but personally I find it very restricting and somewhat demeaning. Every second of your day is monitored. I understand that the company needs to be accountable to it's client for it's employees but if I need to use the restroom and it takes me five minutes I don't appreciate someone coming to check on me. I am not a child! I also understand that calls need to have some sort of a time limit but each customer is different and some require a little more time and a personal touch. I consider showing compassion and that you care to be good customer service. Being in customer retention I am under the opinion that even if a customer still cancels an account they are more likely to come back if they have had a good experience with a company representative. This brings me to people who don't care. Please understand that this is my job. If you have a problem with the company please keep in mind that I am just an employee and have done nothing to you personally. You do not have the right to call me names. I know that hiding on the other end of the phone it is easy to do so but I am a person with feelings. The fact that my company says I can not defend myself against you does not mean that you have carte blanche to humiliate me verbally. I have had customers who are so mean that they have made me cry. 

Of course all calls these days are monitored for quality purposes. Calls are listened to and agents are coached on what they may need to do differently. It always seems that no matter how well you think a call went there is always something that you have not done well enough. It's always "this was great but". As I said I know that I am not the only person at my company who feels this way. The turnover rate is very high due to this unhappiness. Another problem is the fact that with it being so busy we are stationary for long periods of time which is unhealthy. We have been noticing posters around the building with great ideas to get in shape including going for a walk at lunch. I'm sorry but if I'm there for ten and a half hours my half hour lunch needs to be for a meal. We are often given treats which include things like chips and chocolate. I won't say I don't like those but I definitely don't need them. I would prefer something healthy like fruit (grapes are quiet to eat).

I could go on but I won't. Maybe my rant tonight will help me to avoid spending my entire Sunday stressing about Monday morning. Okay so it probably won't but it's making me feel better right now! For those of you listening I hope you have a job that you like! If not keep your chin up and know that you are not alone and be glad in these troubled times that at least you do have a job. If you have cause to call a company with a complaint, remember that the person who answers the phone could be somebody's mother, sister, daughter, father, brother, son, or friend and that they are doing their job. Treat them as you would hope to be treated yourself. Remember a little kindness goes a long way and you may just help to make someone's day a little more bearable. For now, goodnight and have a great tomorrow!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Spring

Well it looks like spring might actually be here! It's time to clean up winter's debris and make way for green grass and summer flowers. I'm not sure if I like this transition period each year. Sure it's nice that I can feel the warm weather coming but at the same time it just looks so dirty. If you live in an area where winter brings alot of snow you know what I mean. In Port Perry alot of sand is used on the roads over the winter. This is to minimize and avoid unwanted salt in Lake Scugog. Usually the first sign of spring namely temperature change is a bit of teaser. This week is supposed to be very warm and mostly sunny (a great March Break) but I know that between now and April 9 (my birthday) we will get snow again. It usually snows on my birthday (I'm coming up to my 46th); it may not stay but it flies! I can count on one hand the number of years that it has not

The boulevard at the end of my front lawn is approximately an inch deep with sand. For those of you who prefer centimetres that would be 2.5 of them. Personally I prefer inches even though I live in Canada and we use the metric system. It's funny how during the winter we get storm warnings with 5cm of snow. It doesn't sound like so much when it's 2 inches. I always think that's funny "Oh no! 2-5 centimetres of snow! Get out the tire chains!". Or learn to drive on 1-2 inches of snow!! That's another pet peeve of mine. People who panic and do dumb things in the snow. If you've ever been to Port Perry you know how scary the Ridges can be in a snowstorm. It's actually not so much the Ridges as it is the people driving them! Don't break going down the slippery hill. Creep over the top and let your vehicle coast down and you will be a okay!

On the subject of the Ridges, they are the highest point in Durham region and can give you some interesting weather this time of the year. A couple of weeks ago I drove home in a snowstorm. When I got to the ridges because of the temperature change there was also fog. This is not a good combination for driving! Sadly in the spring and summer driving can be dangerous here too but mainly due to people passing when they shouldn't and in general just not paying attention.

Anyway back to Spring. It's the time of rebirth. The trees start to bud and the spring bulbs poke their heads from the ground. The grass begins to come back to life. It's an amazing time of year. It makes you feel alive and full of hope and anticipation. Soon my lilac bushes will be in full bloom with their glorious scent wafting in my windows! That's when I will know that spring has truly arrived.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Patriotism

If you have read my bio you know that I live in a small town called Port Perry in Ontario Canada. It's a very quaint little town which relies heavily on tourists who come year round to visit the unique shops which adorn our main street. It's very Norman Rockwellish.

For a very long time Smart Centers had been trying to bring Walmart to our outskirts. I among many was not excited at this prospect fearing that our downtown shops would suffer. I said I would not shop there but would rather travel 15 minutes south to a different Walmart if I really needed to. So the store has been built and open for a few months now. It's a smaller store and doesn't carry more than half of the products found in the large superstores. So here I go. I will admit that I have been frequenting the store. At first I was actually a little embarassed going there given my original stance on the issue.

Today I needed a couple of things and decided to make the three minute trek. It was bitter cold and windy in Port Perry today. As we neared the Smart Center plaza and Walmart store I noticed how big the Canadian flag was that blew gloriously in the wind. It made me feel good and proud to be Canadian. Then it occured to me that Walmart and Smart Centers are American companies. I thought of how patriotic Americans are and how proudly they fly their flags at their homes and businesses. It seems that everywhere you go in the USA you see the American flag flying proudly for all to see (it's a nice feeling to drive through their neighborhoods and see this). At that moment I felt a little sad that it was our American companies who were showing us how to be patriotic and who were flying our flag so proudly for us. I started to think about the fact that the biggest flags that I see flying are usually at Walmart and Smart Center entrances. Is this because they are American and it is in their nature to be so patriotic? Even with the financial mess in the USA it's next to impossible to find an unpatriotic American. I thought back to when Welcome to Mooseport was filmed in town and how many American flags were flying to make our town look like it was in the USA. There was so much patriotism and pride (American) in town. 

So why aren't we so patriotic ourselves? The flags at our government buildings are nowhere near the size of those at Smart Center and Walmart entrances. Why is this and why don't more of us fly the Canadian flag outside of our homes? We seem to be quick to fly the Toronto Maple Leaf flags on our automobiles but I don't think I've seen a handful of Canadian flags in town or in Ontario for that matter (other than at the border or city halls). I for one am going to look into getting a flag for my home and making sure that I know how to display it properly.Who knows maybe it will catch on and more people will start to show their patriotism too.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Kony 2012

Joseph Kony seems to be the focus of many posts I've seen over the past 24 hours. Awareness is great, caring and wanting to make a difference is the ultimate essence of being human. However, please be cautious on who or what you are supporting. A non-profit group that is making a video viral has profited by 8.676 million dollars last year...of which 5.7 million went to staff, travel, and film production and included 8300.00 for entertainment. Is this a worthy organization or one that is profiting from unimaginable atrocities? They only rank 2 out of 4 on the rating for accountability and transparency. Here is a link which shows their financial records. http://www.invisiblechildren.com/financials

I have been reading a blog by Michael Wilkerson (now a freelance journalist and Ph.D. candidate at Oxford -- who has lived and reported from Uganda). It states some very interesting findings. First of all it would be great to get rid of Kony. He and his forces have left a path of abductions and mass murder in their wake for over 20 years. But let's get two things straight: 1) Joseph Kony is not in Uganda and hasn't been for 6 years; 2) the LRA (the Lords Resistance Army) now numbers at most in the hundreds, and while it is still causing immense suffering, it is unclear how millions of well-meaning but misinformed people are going to help deal with the more complicated reality. To read more of this informative blog click on this link http://blog.foreignpolicy.com/posts/2012/03/07/guest_post_joseph_kony_is_not_in_uganda_and_other_complicated_things

Don't get me wrong. This madman does need to be stopped. I'm just not sure how spending $30 for a bracelet and action kit will help anyone other that those from a supposedly non profit group who also ask that you sign it's pledge and sign up to donate.

The point of my discussion on this topic is just that people need to check organizations out carefully before sending money. With internet access available we have the tools to do alot of research (with very little ease) in order to make sure that our hard earned money is actually going somewhere that it will be spent wisely to support our cause and not just it's employees.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

And Then There Were Five

The year was 1976. We moved from our townhouse to a house just north of Warden and Finch. Our street was full of children of all ages so we had no trouble making new friends. My sister and I joined Girl Guides and my brother joined Beavers. There we made even more friends. We had such good times in that neighborhood!

There was a hydro field behind the houses accross the street which we often played in. We would follow it to our school but it also went east and west for a very long distance. There was a bus loop there for the TTC bus to turn around after stopping at our street (there were no houses further north). I remember my brother almost drowning there after a major downpour flooded the area. The water was approximately 5 feet deep and he slipped in. The older boy from accross the street actually jumped in and saved him. He was a hero that day! Unfortunately his brother was nothing like him. He was a bully once arrested for kicking an old lady because she was walking too slow. If we went accross Warden to the high school field we could get to a stream where we went for picnics which we did often. We used to walk to Bridlewood Mall and go to Towers which was actually quite a big department store (In 1990 Zellers bought the Quebec owned chain reopening some under the new name and closing others).  I remember finding a pair of toe socks (a fad that year) there and thinking they would be a great present for my sister. Standing at the cash it occurred to me that she had webbed toes (her 2nd and 3rd toes, my Mom and cousin have them too) and couldn't wear them! Instead I found a poster for her room titled 'You Know You're a Slob When'. Number eight was 'your toes are stuck together'! I think she still has the poster. We used to get pogos and wander the mall. There was a restaurant there called Sneaky Petes that we liked to go to. They served their food in baskets on parchment paper and it was good!

Our Mom was also very busy as she volunteered to be the girl guide cookie convenor for our area. This meant that all of the cookies for our district were delivered to our house (our garage was jammed with boxes!) and our Mom arganized the distribution to the various troops. Somewhere with all that she had going on she became pregnant. Not too long after she found out that she was having twins and they would be identical (odds are 1 in 250). We were so excited!! My sister and I did our best to help out around the house. This was also the year that our Mom would marry our Step Dad. They felt that it was important (even though they had been together for 5 years or so) to marry before the babies were born. The wedding was a backyard wedding at my Aunt's house (she had moved to Leaside to nice older home). Our Mom looked ready to pop and she still had three and a half months to go! I don't recall there being a honeymoon although I think we all went to my Aunt's cottage for the weekend.

The babies were due at Halloween. By the beginning of September our Mom was admitted to the hospital where she was to remain on bed rest until the babies were born. The last day of September our Step Dad's brother and his wife had their second baby (a girl) and later that night our Mom's water broke and she went into labor. I remember sitting up all night waiting for the phone call from our Step Dad. It seemed like forever. He didn't get to go into the delivery room because there was concern that one baby was coming out feet first with the umbilical cord wrapped tightly around it's legs which was causing the heartbeat to fluctuate. just after 6am on October 1, 1977 the first twin was born; a red haired boy weighing 6lbs 10oz. Knowing that they were identical the second was obviously going to be a boy too. He came into the world 8 minutes later weighing 7lbs 6 oz. The doctor said he couldn't imagine how big they might have been had they been full term (most twins born at that time were 5lbs). Before long Mom and our new brothers were home and we were one big happy family. People will often indicate that they are just half brothers to us three original siblings but I have never looked at them that way. We grew up together and they are my brothers.

There were times right after they were born that we found it hard leaving to go to Dad's on weekends and later on we had to explain why they couldn't come. As they got older they understood that we had two Dad's and they just had one. They met our Dad over the years and have even been invited to his annual barbeque although they have not attended.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Save Our Families

Have you ever wondered why many marriages don't work and homes become broken? As a kid I thought that my parents were the only ones who didn't make it. As I got older I realized that this was not the case. I think as the years go by we are seeing higher divorce rates and many couples that opt for no marriage at all. Are we overstressed and overworked? Or do we just not believe in marriage anymore? I have my own theory.

It comes from the observation that would seem in yesteryear people stayed married even if they were not happy or had fallen out of love. Or was it something else? I think it was partly due to the stay at home Mom. Mom was the homemaker, and she didn't see alot of any other world. I don't think there was any discontent in running the household. It was what her Mother had done and her Mother's Mother before her. The husband went to work and brought home a paycheck and the wife stayed home kept the house clean, the laundry done, the meals cooked and the children looked after. Times were much simpler then. There was no need for two cars, or huge wardrobes with hundreds of pairs of shoes, and meals were either at home or made from home and eaten out of a lunch box. Eating out at a restaurant was a treat. Sit down family dinners were the norm (not an option) and full of conversation about everybodys' day. They didn't include The Simpsons or Family Guy.

This is where I think the world changed. I might be a hypocrite saying this (because I love television as much as the next person) but I think it has played a big part in the downfall of marriage and family values. First off we have Soaps (aptly named because most of the ads run during the earlier versions were for household soaps and detergents). Not many men can compete with the men of the daytime drama. Even the bad boys are unrealistically romantic, helpful and rarely do they not have strikingly good looks and washboard abs. The same can be said for most of the women but fortunately for us most men do not watch soaps. The women of soaps morphed into strong career women (that's okay) and led the way for women to leave the house in pursuit of a different life. In the soap world this worked but we live in the real world.

It still seems that although many women go to work, most are still expected to do 'woman's work' around the house. How happy can one be if they work forty hours a week, make dinner, do the laundry, keep the house clean, make lunches for the next day, and look after the children while at home? Seriously think about this. Get up early, make sure the kids have breakfast and get ready for school or daycare (often drop them off as well), keep in mind also getting herself ready (and likely having to find something that hubby needs before he leaves), go to work for eight hours, often run an errand at lunch, pick the kids up, either pick up dinner or go home and make it, clean up after dinner, maybe wash dry and fold a load of laundry (maybe unload and load a dishwasher too), help the kids with homework, get them ready for bed, make their lunches for the next day, clean up after the pet that the children were going to look after... Did that sentence seem long? It sure was long and tiring just like a typical day and to top it all off she's supposed to still have energy when she goes to bed. How many of you know what I mean? Maybe you would just like to talk about your day or something funny that one of the children said or did or just go to sleep. Sexual tension is a big problem in a marriage and I suspect a common one. If you ask your husband, he's the only man in this predicament and he doesn't understand why.

Another observation is the lack of family values and morals among our children. We don't have enough time for them. They used to at least get Mom's attention when she stayed home and they were excited to see Dad when he got home (unless they were in trouble in which case they probably hoped he would not come home). Now they go to daycare as babies and then segway to allday school for twelve to thirteen years (then they're gone to college or university). When they're home they're often parked in front of the tv, computer, or video game because it's easier not to have to deal with them (as we have so much to do). Often the attention we do pay them is asking for chores to be done or assisting with homework which they don't really want to do anyway. So we have become nags to our children (also causing us extra tension). We need to spend more quality time with them. Time is precious; they grow up so fast and we are missing out on so much of their lives!

So why are we doing this? Stuff! We all want more stuff. We think we need to keep up wiith the Joneses (no offense to the Joneses) but we don't. They're probably not as happy as we think hiding behind their stuff. Just think of how much money is spent because two people work. An extra car plus it's insurance and gas (600-700/mth?). Daycare likely for two (300/wk=1200/mth). A nice wardrobe with matching shoes, boots, cosmetics etc (realistically the working woman likely spends 200+/mth). Then there's fast food which likely includes a couple of lunches out and a family dinner once a week sometimes twice (60-70/wk 240-280/mth). Probably on average we are looking at 2300-2500 realistically in a month for a working family with two small children. Is it really worth it? Ultimately how much do we come home with at the end of the month? I don't think this is always thought through. We have made ourselves far too busy and stressed and our families and marriages are suffering because of it.

So what can we do? Quitting our jobs is not realistic at this point because we already have too much stuff to pay for. We can help each other more. Split the chores 50/50 which will make more family time and not make one person feel drained at the end of the day. Make sure we have sit down family dinners with no tv! Do things as a family even if it's just pulling out the monopoly board or playing a game of cards. Go outdoors for walks as a family or even just sit on the porch and have a conversation as we watch the children play with neighborhood friends. Remember the summer of 2003 when the power went out for a few days? Sure we had to scramble to find a way to keep food cold and gas became scarce, but to be honest it was nice! Luckily it was summer so nobody was cold and we could use our bbqs for cooking. There was no tv, no computers, and no video games (in other words no distractions). We got out and spent time together, played games together as a family (by candlelight at night), and sat and gazed at the stars from our back deck. Most of all we talked! It was so peaceful. For three days we became families again. I would be okay if the power was turned off once a year for 3-4 days. I think it would save alot of families.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

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Quick Wit Sister

My daughters are 17 and 12. I try not to get too involved in their spats as they come and go. For any mothers, daughters and/or sisters out there you know what I mean. I can never win if I try to intervene and I never know the right time to do so. There are times when I step in only to be told that they are just having fun. The fact that somebody is about to lose an eye does not occur to either of them.

For some reason in my home it always seems to be the youngest getting the best of her older sister. My eldest daughter is rather touchy (partly her age). She can dish it out but does not like when it comes back at her and this is often when the fights occur. Although I must admit, my youngest really knows how to push peoples' buttons!

For any of you who have a sister you know that it's a love hate relationship. I never know when I come home from work if they are going to be buddies curled up watching a favorite show or enemies with battlegrounds drawn, doors slamming, and screaming at each other. Sometimes they say things to each other in the heat of the moment that makes them pause and laugh and they can't help but be friends again. Last night when I got home they were arguing because the 17 year old found all of her earrings she had been looking for in the jewellery box of her younger sister. Instead of owning up the youngest asked why her sister had gone into her room. A bit of an arguement ensued and words were exchanged (at least nothing was being thrown not even punches).

The arguement actually ended in laughter when the younger one told her sister "If I ever need a brain transplant I would like yours because it's unused!". All three of us burst out laughing and the world was again at harmony. That's life with sisters.