Save Our Families

Have you ever wondered why many marriages don't work and homes become broken? As a kid I thought that my parents were the only ones who didn't make it. As I got older I realized that this was not the case. I think as the years go by we are seeing higher divorce rates and many couples that opt for no marriage at all. Are we overstressed and overworked? Or do we just not believe in marriage anymore? I have my own theory.

It comes from the observation that would seem in yesteryear people stayed married even if they were not happy or had fallen out of love. Or was it something else? I think it was partly due to the stay at home Mom. Mom was the homemaker, and she didn't see alot of any other world. I don't think there was any discontent in running the household. It was what her Mother had done and her Mother's Mother before her. The husband went to work and brought home a paycheck and the wife stayed home kept the house clean, the laundry done, the meals cooked and the children looked after. Times were much simpler then. There was no need for two cars, or huge wardrobes with hundreds of pairs of shoes, and meals were either at home or made from home and eaten out of a lunch box. Eating out at a restaurant was a treat. Sit down family dinners were the norm (not an option) and full of conversation about everybodys' day. They didn't include The Simpsons or Family Guy.

This is where I think the world changed. I might be a hypocrite saying this (because I love television as much as the next person) but I think it has played a big part in the downfall of marriage and family values. First off we have Soaps (aptly named because most of the ads run during the earlier versions were for household soaps and detergents). Not many men can compete with the men of the daytime drama. Even the bad boys are unrealistically romantic, helpful and rarely do they not have strikingly good looks and washboard abs. The same can be said for most of the women but fortunately for us most men do not watch soaps. The women of soaps morphed into strong career women (that's okay) and led the way for women to leave the house in pursuit of a different life. In the soap world this worked but we live in the real world.

It still seems that although many women go to work, most are still expected to do 'woman's work' around the house. How happy can one be if they work forty hours a week, make dinner, do the laundry, keep the house clean, make lunches for the next day, and look after the children while at home? Seriously think about this. Get up early, make sure the kids have breakfast and get ready for school or daycare (often drop them off as well), keep in mind also getting herself ready (and likely having to find something that hubby needs before he leaves), go to work for eight hours, often run an errand at lunch, pick the kids up, either pick up dinner or go home and make it, clean up after dinner, maybe wash dry and fold a load of laundry (maybe unload and load a dishwasher too), help the kids with homework, get them ready for bed, make their lunches for the next day, clean up after the pet that the children were going to look after... Did that sentence seem long? It sure was long and tiring just like a typical day and to top it all off she's supposed to still have energy when she goes to bed. How many of you know what I mean? Maybe you would just like to talk about your day or something funny that one of the children said or did or just go to sleep. Sexual tension is a big problem in a marriage and I suspect a common one. If you ask your husband, he's the only man in this predicament and he doesn't understand why.

Another observation is the lack of family values and morals among our children. We don't have enough time for them. They used to at least get Mom's attention when she stayed home and they were excited to see Dad when he got home (unless they were in trouble in which case they probably hoped he would not come home). Now they go to daycare as babies and then segway to allday school for twelve to thirteen years (then they're gone to college or university). When they're home they're often parked in front of the tv, computer, or video game because it's easier not to have to deal with them (as we have so much to do). Often the attention we do pay them is asking for chores to be done or assisting with homework which they don't really want to do anyway. So we have become nags to our children (also causing us extra tension). We need to spend more quality time with them. Time is precious; they grow up so fast and we are missing out on so much of their lives!

So why are we doing this? Stuff! We all want more stuff. We think we need to keep up wiith the Joneses (no offense to the Joneses) but we don't. They're probably not as happy as we think hiding behind their stuff. Just think of how much money is spent because two people work. An extra car plus it's insurance and gas (600-700/mth?). Daycare likely for two (300/wk=1200/mth). A nice wardrobe with matching shoes, boots, cosmetics etc (realistically the working woman likely spends 200+/mth). Then there's fast food which likely includes a couple of lunches out and a family dinner once a week sometimes twice (60-70/wk 240-280/mth). Probably on average we are looking at 2300-2500 realistically in a month for a working family with two small children. Is it really worth it? Ultimately how much do we come home with at the end of the month? I don't think this is always thought through. We have made ourselves far too busy and stressed and our families and marriages are suffering because of it.

So what can we do? Quitting our jobs is not realistic at this point because we already have too much stuff to pay for. We can help each other more. Split the chores 50/50 which will make more family time and not make one person feel drained at the end of the day. Make sure we have sit down family dinners with no tv! Do things as a family even if it's just pulling out the monopoly board or playing a game of cards. Go outdoors for walks as a family or even just sit on the porch and have a conversation as we watch the children play with neighborhood friends. Remember the summer of 2003 when the power went out for a few days? Sure we had to scramble to find a way to keep food cold and gas became scarce, but to be honest it was nice! Luckily it was summer so nobody was cold and we could use our bbqs for cooking. There was no tv, no computers, and no video games (in other words no distractions). We got out and spent time together, played games together as a family (by candlelight at night), and sat and gazed at the stars from our back deck. Most of all we talked! It was so peaceful. For three days we became families again. I would be okay if the power was turned off once a year for 3-4 days. I think it would save alot of families.